Wish I had today off too

Ha Ha HA! SOmething had me laughing at 3:00 in the morning, but I'm not going to tell you what it is (because I can't remember...)

School nurse: How are you feeling?
KS: Great! It's been a good pregnancy.
Nurse: Well, you look absolutely terrific, all baby.
KS: Thank you!
Nurse: So, how many more weeks?
KS: Pardon?
Nurse: How many more weeks until your due date?
KS: uhh...how many more weeks until December 31st?

I must admit, I have a case of cold feet this morning. (I put a pair of smelly shoes in the freezer 'cause the BF says it kills bacteria. We'll see.)

Widespread showers

Have I mentioned how much I miss my shoes? Knee high black boots, retro black heels, a pair of silver stilettos...Forever lost to me since I now have clown feet. I was reduced to buying black, fuzzy, boner-killing merrels at the walking store. Blech.

I've cut down a great deal on masturbating lately. I have regular access to good sex, and I usually crash and burn by 8:30 and don't need the orgasm crutch to relax and fall asleep. The other night, however, I got the "hmm, maybe I'll just pull out the vibrator for a few minutes feeling" and after a bit inserted a pinkie. A PINKIE! I came so freaking hard that if I hadn't had my hand cupped over the vaginal area, the fluid that squirted out of me would have hit the fan and been spewn all over the bedroom in an ejaculatory mist.

Second Grade

KS: Boys and girls, please take out your workbooks for a quick phonics review.

Ramon: Phonics shmonics.

Where are my toes???

Pregnant, naked and eating Nutter Butters. Ahhh...

Keep away from run-around-Sue

Thirty-seven years old, six months pregnant, and still doing the walk of shame.


The BF and I are still commuting to each others' homes for a variety of reasons, though a house purchase is on the horizon. Friday nights we do not usually get together, but it was his birthday, and I happily drove down for dinner. Of course, I ended up staying the night...but without a change of clothes.

Bagel shop, Sat. morning, 8:30 a.m.
"Hey, KS, you can't be going to work! Why are you all dressed up? Wedding or shower?"
And, standing behind him, is his teenaged son, so the glib comment I had prepared died on my lips.
KS, blushing, "Uh, no."
"Aw, come on, why ya look so nice?"
Please, please, boy, go to into the kitchen.
"Uh, well, " (insert lame excuse here.)

It wasn't a hell of a lot better stepping into my driveway...which is across the street from an elementary school with a field packed with soccer and football games.

And right back to work

"...and pancakes the size of manhole covers." mmmmm

Long, busy week. In a free five minutes, threw in an old West Wing DVD.

"The Swedes have a 100% literacy rate. 100%! How do they do it???"
"Maybe they don't, and they can't count either."

Heh heh heh

So...how white trash did I look purchasing a large bottle of wine from the liquor depot? (For the record, it was marsala for cooking!) The cashier asked if I would donate a dollar to St. Jude's, then handed me the cut out. "Write your name..." he paused and looked at my obviously pregnant belly then back at the bottle "...or any name you'd like."

I appreciate humor from cashiers. I would have tipped him if it were allowed.

Hobbit Pubes

Nowhere in ANY of the pregnancy books are there any tips on how to trim the bush after the sixth month. I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT! I went snip, snip and ended up with a half an inch of hair in my hand, but I not not from whence it came, exactly, and fear I may have an accidental, and crooked, Nike swoosh in my nethers.

Bonding

BF: "...And so I injured my arm in a broccoli suit."

Sister of KS: "I can't believe it took the two of you so long to find each other."

Exhausted, please ignore missssspellingss

7:40 Waddle into school, begin work, paranoidly go back outside to check to see if car is locked because of a car break-in last week, up/down stairs for copies, mail. etc.

8:42 Three minutes to pee before time to pick up students.

8:42 and 10 seconds: drop drawers, and begin.

8:43 and 15 seconds Fire alarm goes off.

Guess if I had sh#t a brick, that would have been the place to do it.

Good weird things: kissing son goodbye as he leaves for his first day of his senior year...while I'm six months along.
Planning boyfriend's 50th birthday party...while I'm six months along.

Way cool: A full time teacher's aide in my class.

Mind numbing, blind rage: Ex-boyfriend driving down my street. There is Nothing on my street-no stores, gas stations-it is residential, and does not connect, in any convenient way, two important roads. The only reason to drive down the street is to turn into one's own driveway-or, check/stalk an ex.

And, I think his arrest/conviction was sealed due to successful rehabilitation. Hah. If he had been arrested for every illegal thing he did...