Beth, i miss you. Hope you're ok.

Whew!

Thankfully, I have able to enjoy life to its fullest for quite some time, despite the fact (or because of?) bay daddy 2 and I split up for good last month. I have no plans to date-my first priority are my children, and dating would take away time and energy from them (really, the toddler, Mr. College is pretty independent.) This does not mean I do not think about sex, or that I do not think of past lovers with nostalgia. There is one in particular who I remember with great fondness-he was funny, smart and the sex was good. Not to say I wouldn't want someone a little taller...and a non-smoker...and without webbed feet...

Heh

Odd; many searches for kamikaze squirrel end up here. Apologies-once upon a time, this was kinda funny. Read entries from the beginning. Time to go back to making foil hats...

On Lexapro-what a difference, everything has been better. Just slave-if by some wild chance you check this blog, may I be invited so that I can follow your writing? Have missed reading about your days.

got some sleep, thngs are at least bearable

If it weren't for the baby, I'd slit my wrists. I remember feeling this way after Boy 1 was born. I don't want to see friends or family. I caught the BF in a lie, and hate him for it, hate him for trying to lie about the lie, hate him for teasing me about my bad mood-well, shithead, you lied to me and have an online flirtation going on, I don't care that she doesn't live nearby, how about getting off your fucking ass and computer and doing something, am resentful that he's unemployed and I'm supporting everyone. I can't bear the thought of going back to work and leaving the baby. Maybe I'm upset about B 1 going off to college, but it's only down the street, so I don't think so. I feel like I'm reliving the breakdown of the relationship I had with B1's dad, and looking back I probably had PPD-but even if I were on anti-depressants, the BF would still be unemployed, I'd still have to leave the baby, the shithead would still do what he does, and if I were diagnosed, all I'd get is pity, maybe, and condescension, when I actually blame him for not being here much for 6 months, leaving me alone, lonely, exhausted, overwhelmed, insecure, I still haven't fully recovered, apparently. I would have hoped that after years of therapy that I wouldn't be in this position. I love my baby more than anything, anyone, and he's the only thing keeping me from going downstairs and emptying the medicine cabinet.

Ambercrombie and Dork

Since babies are no longer supposed to use blankets in their cribs, Mr. Baby has been wearing sleeveless sleep sacks. I've become concerned that he's going to develop a penchant for sleeveless sweaters as a boy that will develop into a full blown case of argyle vest wearing as a teenager, which has the potential to lead to a side disorder of sun visor sportage.