How about a boll weevil?

"Your baby is about 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama)."

Jicama? JICAMA??? Does the average New Englander of any ethnic background know what a jicama is? I would bet even children of Mexican/South American descent who were born here don't know what one is.

Unless the web site is actually run by some dirty man who gets off on women picking up exotic produce and will later call you and ask for pictures of you rubbing the fruit...

Slap my ass and call me Sally

I've gone from a few decades of having sick and twisted sexual fantasies to just wishing I could take it missionary style.

Blah

I don't know whether I did just did something liberating, or very stupid.

She has all the right....

Glamour:
Gently blowing on one's make-up brush to remove excess eye shadow before applying the au courant bright or dark colors.
Pytalism:
Production of excess saliva due to an increase of estrogen during pregnancy.

Stupidity:
Do I even need to say it?

Some days...

really suck.

Pauline Mitchel at your service

I finally gave up on trying to blow dry my hair straight, and received many compliments today on my new wavy, flippy look. Here are the steps you can take so that you, too, have bouncy waves.

1. Take a half day from work to go the the OB/GYN.
2. Go to the gym. Walk around and socialize without actually working out.
3. Shower, wash hair.
4. Doze on the couch with wet hair while a West Wing DVD skips in the player.
5. Move to the bed. Take out pink rabbit vibrator, go to town.
6. Awake from post-orgasm nap and realize you're running late.
7. Grab a bottle off dresser. Spray onto hair. Realize goop is sticky and you're not sure what it is. Flip head over, tousle while blow drying for about two minutes.
8. Walk to car on a breezy, New England autumn day.

I'm free to do demonstrations.