Burping up egg rolls

Three weeks ago, offering to cook salmon for Mother's Day seemed like a really good idea.

Now, I'm not so sure if I'll even be able to look at it through the glass case in the grocery store.

Stark, raving mad

Ah, there's nothing, nothing like having poison ivy on your legs and torso, then wearing stockings on a warm and muggy day.

Try it.

The eyes are the window to your face

My son has a reputation for being a Good, Honest and Kind boy. If he were in an Uncle Wiggly story, he would be known as The Boy Who Always Made His Mother Cookies When She Was On The Rag, or, The Boy Who Meticulously Mowed The Lawn For A Very Long Time When His Mother Was In Her Bedroom Entertaining...well, you get the picture.

He is, however, my son.

He called my friend KJ on Monday, whom I had just told I was expecting.

"Hey, kid! Wow, what's up?"
"Not much KJ, but I'm a little concerned about something."
"Ok, what's going on?"
"Well, mom keeps on talking on the phone for a long time to EVERYBODY."
"Ok, what's wrong with that?"
"She hates the phone. And whenever someone is over, she sends me out of the room to talk to them. What's going on?"
"Hey, kid, you're not going to get anything out of me."
"And, the last time my dad was over, he left smiling, but at the same time he seemed a little weird."
"Well..."
"Come on, I'll bake you cookies, bread, whatever you want, I have some killer recipes."
"NO! Talk to your mom. You're not getting anything out of me!"

This went on for a while, with the son offering bribes and proof that something was afoot, and KJ trying to reassure him without giving any information.

The wicked part is that we had told my son the week before.

Rabbit season

Ah, pregnancy, it truly changes a woman's perspective on life. For example, when I used to see Mr. Bunny in the yard, I used to think, "Aw, Mr. Bunny, you are SO cute!" Yesterday, however, when I saw TWO Mr. Bunnies in the yard, I thought, "Mmmmm, stew!"

He had it comin'

If he sings "You're Having My Baby" ONE MORE TIME...!

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, where the f*ck are you?

It's cold, it's damp, and my friend had a few glasses of wine last night and has bailed on running this morning with the local women's running group. Should I stay or should I go now? Guess I'll drink the two ounces of weak caffeinated that I haven't been completely weaned off of yet and then make a decision.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hey, 3.1 miles under 31 minutes, not bad for training.

You heard it here first!

The coolest thing about the pre-natal vitamins is that they now make a brand with a laxative, so, for the first time in months, I laid a beautiful, huge, steaming mass of waste that was a wonder to behold.

I'd say we're as happy as clams, but I don't think I'm supposed to touch those either.