Go

I come in peace.This past weekend, I had an extremely vivid and very frightening dream that you and A**** were seriously hurt in a very bad car accident. On Sunday, I drove past your house several times, and I didn't see your car and for some reason it seemed to have an unusually quite feel.I don't expect a response, but even after all the pain and heartbreak I think about you and your family every single day.I pray that you're ok.Jeff

Fuck you Jeff. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you fuckyoufuckyou

You want to know my dreams Jeff? I hardly have them because I can't sleep. The best one in recent memory-after taking a sleeping pill and barely getting any sleep-was this.

My father is working in a mammoth restaurant kitchen that somehow the public can occasionally see into. I approach him because I am terrified that you are using drugs and I hope that he can help. I plead with him for advice, action, anything. He looks at me and says,
"Maybe he likes the drugs. Maybe he likes the way it feels. It takes him away. What's the big deal?"

Crushed, I turn away and begin to leave. I turn back one last time and see that he has bent down and is furtively snorting a line of coke. I am terrified and immobile. He straightens up, shrugs, and snorts another line in plain view.

Fuck You. I doubt you had that dream. I know why you wrote. Despite everything, despite your body bereft of a soul, despite 8 months, despite that everyone may think me absolutely mad, "magical thinking" is the term, despite it all,

you feel it,

you feel it,

I'm falling in love again, and it's not with you.